I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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