Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
