he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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