I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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