dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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