Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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