Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love having hate sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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