I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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