I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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