i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
