you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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