the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
