One girl and one boy is just not enough.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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