So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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