at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
