I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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