even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
