I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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