im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
