Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
