Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
