Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your cock deserves a montage
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need Xanax blowdarts
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
