There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
