he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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