3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she looked like the before picture.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
