Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
