So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
