Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
