Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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