party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
