i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
