How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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