her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
