Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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