You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
