Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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