Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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