i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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