I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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