Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
