getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
