Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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