Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
