it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
