What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
