I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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