I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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