i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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