My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
someone owes me an orgasm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
