i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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