I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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