I saw his package. It spoke to me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
