we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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