he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
