woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
