threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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