so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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