the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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