I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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