Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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