Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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