break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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