dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
