Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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